How to get a dictator to visit your website

If you’re feeling brave, there are a few easy ways you can get traffic to your website. Just don’t get your hopes up for getting money from it.

Upload a page where you say you have secrets. For example, you could say:

Click here to see what North Korea doesn’t want the world to know.

That’ll get some attention! Or better yet:

Log in here to see secrets of North Korea.

Then watch your hits soar as they try to hack your site.

On the other hand, if your site has water-tight security, you may even be able to get some money out of it…

Click here to buy secrets of North Korea for just $99.

You’ll probably just get one purchase, but every little bit helps towards your funeral costs.

On receipt of payment, you could even have the landing page say something like this:

Dear North Korea,

Congratulations ! Your payment has enabled this website to  upload a Trojan to your computer. As you read this, it is spreading across your computer network, covertly sending anything it finds to ME. Now I actually have something to sell 😉

See you in Den Haag!

Actually, there is one other approach. We all know the Internet boom was funded by porn. And we all know how these dictators plaster images of themselves everywhere, because they think it’s what their people want to see. The truth is they’re just narcissists. So the best way to get one to buy from you might be this:

Click here  to buy a video of Kim Jong-Un masturbating in front of a mirror.

There will only ever be one person clicking on that link, I guarantee it.


I knew it would work! Hiiiii!

It has been a week since I wrote this post. As I write this update, my blog is experiencing a distributed brute-force attack. Starting this morning, I have had over 5000 attempts from nearly 2000 IP addresses to crack my site’s security. Thankfully whoever is orchestrating this will take about a billion, billion, billion, billion, billion, billion years to succeed. I would sooo love it to be the North Koreans! Hellooooooo!

Feeling old? Hit 30 without being depressed

In their 20’s, many people start getting the sense that they’re old. Your best years are nearly over. People younger than you are starting to overtake you – your skills, your wealth, your health. With CEOs as young as 22, Olympic athletes younger than you, fresh-faced hyper-car owners overtaking you, what’s left to be optimistic about?

The solution is simple: remember that it happens to everyone. Everyone sees youth overtaking them, sooner or later. The only people it doesn’t happen to is people who die young. You can be grateful you’re not one of them!

To feel good about yourself and your ageing body and mind, you need to get over the ideals you had when you were younger; the belief that you could take over the world. That you could become better than anyone before you.

That was harsh, it had to be said. But now it’s been said, we can focus on the positives.

Firstly, you have plenty more time to achieve your desires. True; you might not have become CEO at 21, but there’s plenty of time yet.

Second: would you really want to give up the life you have now, for the unknown life had you been an early success? It has been proven that success in itself does not make you happy.

Third: What does make a person happy? If a 90-year-old with a small pension, ailing health and many lost friends and family can be happy, then surely you don’t need to feel bad about not being a spring chicken anymore. The question is how do they do it!

The answer: be at peace with yourself. This is not some new-age spiritual concept. Well, actually it sort of is. But it does not involve meditation (although it can), and it does not involve religion (although it can), and it does not involve happy pills (although it can).

Be proud of who you are

Be proud of what you’ve done. What you’ve overcome.

Remember that you can still make a difference. To yourself and to others.

Remember that everyone’s life eventually comes to an end, but it is not the end. You will have spent your whole life changing the world. Maybe a little bit, maybe more, but you’ve had an impact. You have moved the human race forward, contributed to the well-being of all the people present and future, and every other creature on this planet. There’s still more you can do, today. Seize the day, do something fun. So something amazing. Or just do something.