How to get a dictator to visit your website

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If you’re feeling brave, there are a few easy ways you can get traffic to your website. Just don’t get your hopes up for getting money from it.

Upload a page where you say you have secrets. For example, you could say:

Click here to see what North Korea doesn’t want the world to know.

That’ll get some attention! Or better yet:

Log in here to see secrets of North Korea.

Then watch your hits soar as they try to hack your site.

On the other hand, if your site has water-tight security, you may even be able to get some money out of it…

Click here to buy secrets of North Korea for just $99.

You’ll probably just get one purchase, but every little bit helps towards your funeral costs.

On receipt of payment, you could even have the landing page say something like this:

Dear North Korea,

Congratulations ! Your payment has enabled this website to  upload a Trojan to your computer. As you read this, it is spreading across your computer network, covertly sending anything it finds to ME. Now I actually have something to sell 😉

See you in Den Haag!

Actually, there is one other approach. We all know the Internet boom was funded by porn. And we all know how these dictators plaster images of themselves everywhere, because they think it’s what their people want to see. The truth is they’re just narcissists. So the best way to get one to buy from you might be this:

Click here  to buy a video of Kim Jong-Un masturbating in front of a mirror.

There will only ever be one person clicking on that link, I guarantee it.


I knew it would work! Hiiiii!

It has been a week since I wrote this post. As I write this update, my blog is experiencing a distributed brute-force attack. Starting this morning, I have had over 5000 attempts from nearly 2000 IP addresses to crack my site’s security. Thankfully whoever is orchestrating this will take about a billion, billion, billion, billion, billion, billion years to succeed. I would sooo love it to be the North Koreans! Hellooooooo!

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